Friendzone

heyyy!

I'm just doin' fine here lol.

how but you guys dear reader?

ssup.

i don't know how many month passed i didn't update my blog lol.

here the story goes.

there was a guy that i really admire.

i don't want to mention his name here but my course mate know him.

his not from my college btw.

we chat started early at this month not so early la but ya.

he told me about his life.

i know it was so fast to be like-ing someone

but

i don't know he just not like the other guys lol.

it not like i forget Rick at all but I'm on my way looking forward.

i put my hope high too high for my crush.

because he just giving me hope.

he call me rarely but we always having a deep conversation.

i was too happy.

i forget about what broken feel.

until one day.

he ask me about my friend.

his question make my hope broke.

i was thought the last broken will end

but it being added again.

it been 8 month i didn't feel in love.

but who i loved is in love with someone else.

where my heartless gone?

where was it?

why should i feel the love?

why cant it just go away!

i was think to stop having a conversation with him.

i should.

to make my feeling gone.

'' Doesn't mean you love someone, you should to be with them''

This why so " HURT ".

This is not about a guy. 

This all about dad and grandpa.

Hello sweetie readers.

Why it been so hurt?

look.

who doesn't get hurt when someone that we love gone?

it was so hurt, right?

both of them are so meaningful for me.

i love them.

I been doing a wish list since i was 9 years old.

i want to bring them travelling, when i accomplish my studied.

but

they were gone and never come back.

What the most hurting part is,

when my dad was gone.

i was planned a surprise for his birthday.

i planned it all.

it almost done.

Unfortunately, dad was gone.

I was thinking that,

God was so mean to me.

He took one by one of my family member.

Until, one day i realize that everyone will die anytime and whenever.

" Whatever we have appreciated it, because someday it will gone. "

The heartbreaking.

How life guys?

Must be interesting ain't it?

Here a love story of mine again.

LOLL!

I been knowing this guy since i was enter PLKN.

His name is, Ricknelson.

people called him rick.

We been in relationship.

1st of May 2016.

That the day he propose me to be his girlfriend.

it such a meaningful days of mine.

All days passing smoothly with him.

he bought me ice-cream, flower and so on.

day after day, we made a memories.

The day was came.

We finished our camp season

on 26 of May 2016.

We leave the camp.

It was a sad day of us as a PLKN intern.

We love being there.

Those all activity was so interesting and challenging.

Month by month passed.

our relationship still good as before.

24 of August.

we fight.

it's not like before we didn't fight, we fight but not this worse.

He ignore me.

He will reply my text only at a midnight.

i don't give up.

i want it back like as before.

i want it working again as we used to be.

4th of September.

it all ends.

no more us.

he dumped me.

he leave me.

he did.

he say he wont before but he did it.

It was so hurt.

it make me being heartless until now.

Love?

what is love?

you guys know it?

i don't know, what love mean for.

4th of October.

I'm started to enter college.

i told him where I'll continue my studied.

i told him.

Without my expectation.

We did enter a same college.

a same course.

a same class.

When whoever that knowing us

will asked one of us

is we still together?

the question is so hard for me to answer.

even it just a simple answer

NO.

I cant take it anymore.

i confess to him what i feel.

i don't expect us to be again.

cause,

there will be no more us, it going not to happen again

i know it.

I told him.

i couldn't see him with other girl,

it break my heart.

i couldn't take the pain anymore.

he told me for not to worried.

He said,

he will be there whenever i need him.

it's not that easy for me.

i know.

he was crushing on someone else.

i don't blame him.

his not mine anymore.

he deserve the better one.

i don't deserve him.

he such a good boy.

Why i really loved him?

He got everything while other guy didn't.

His my kind of type.

He was a good looking.

Caring.

He know how to solve something problem.

He such a positive boy.

He don't do any negativity things.

He know what his doing.

He think of his future.

He put his family first.

He never pushed me on anything.

He think about his education.

He always be there whenever i need him.

He such a good adviser of mine.

He got everything.

His my type.

How could i move on?

i meet him everyday.

at anywhere.

think of him.

cried every single night when the memories

 suddenly flash it back on my mind.

those memories kill me.

it was so sweet.

It's not that i don't try to moving on.

i tried.

I've tried.

i tried so hard, so hard.

i still couldn't.

Now on, i tried to avoid him.

i tried not to have a conversation with him.

i tried to run from him.

i tried to ignore all those sweet memories.

i tried it.

It hurt.

it killing me inside.

it really deep inside. Oh man!

He was happy now.

i know he don't think about me anymore.

he don't care about me anymore.

i was nothing to him.

How fast he move on.

I still remember,

when I'm begging him for a second chance.

but he don't gave it.

Deep man. Holy God! so deep.

Why am i so stupid?

why i cant just move on?

WTF is my life go on?

Yesterday is his birthday.

i do wish him.

then i don't reply him already.

if the delete button was exist, i would delete those memories.

Dear Papa in Heaven,

if he was created for me,

let us continue our story when it was a time.

if he not,

let he be happy with the girl he used to be.

He might ever mean for me.

i couldn't force him to stay and love me.

his life. not mine.

let me pass this heartbreaking season God.

Heal my heart Jesus.

Bless me, him and all your follower.

I'm so grateful,

that you had meet both of us.

he teach me a good lesson of life.

he avoid me to do something nonsense.

He teach me what life was mean.

God

I love him.

i really do Lord.

Please heard my pray Papa in Heaven.

AMEN.

Welcome, 2017.

How your days guys?

sorry for the late updating hehe.

It not too late, for me to wish you guys,

Happy New Year everybody !

Have a great year for thin 2017.

May you guys could archieve yours goals.

The first year celebrating new year without my beloved grandpa, great grandma

and the fourth year without my lovely dad.

it such a drastic changes.

this situation was really upset me.

2016.

 was an unlucky year for me.

full of a bad luck.

if i could turn back time i would jump on to 2009.

A year that where our family still perfectly complete.

i miss.

missing those old memories.

I really miss to feel the joy in our family.

they were so meaningful for me.

i cannot leave without them. i swear, i cannot.

I really wish that this year would be a good year,

that full of joy, wealth, health and bless from our Father in Heaven for all of us.

Amen.

Love, olga.

self throughout 2016.

Hello guys!

it been so long i didn't write any entry.

So sorry about it.

Well at nowdays, im so busy with my college life.

full of assignment.

 i know this was a holiday season lol.

It not too late that im wishing you guys

A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR !

Okay, i've been deleting a few most of my post.

i've my own reason, why im doing that.

I just leave some of my old post.

enough with that.

Starting from now i would make a time to write a new entry.

but i couldnt promise hehe.

i've a lack of time to spending a time on blogging nowdays.

so sorry guys.

i would like to try so okay.

2016.

This the bad luck of year of mine.

i lost my great-grandmother, grandpa and a lot of relative.

i been continued my studied at

Asia Metropolitan University College.

it located at Likas, kota kinabalu.

im not staying at hostel.

i rent a house at infront of my college 

so it will make me easier to go class.

Than, before this 

i should facing a jammed everyday

it occur almost in all areas from penampang.

i took a course of Physiotherapy.

i still on a 1st semester lol.

my final exam will be on at 13 febuary 17.

i was struggling to get a excellent pointer lol.

In this year i was selected to joining PLKN 2.0.

which is the camp located at Tanaki, Tambunan.

it was a indescribable memories.

It was so great!

if i got an opportunity to join it back

i sure i really sure i will man i will!

I was made a guy there

and we been in relationship started from 1st of May.

Unfortunately,

our relationship not that longer than i expected.

it been end at September.

BUT

we're on a same college and class lol.

Of course at the first it was so awkward tho.

After the orientation and we go enter class,

it getting better.

We talked like normally.

at the first for me it was so hard.

but it been common already.

I still hoping.

but nah, i know it couldnt be anymore.

eventho it hurt when seeing him with other girl,

i just try to set my mind by saying

" HIS NOT LONGER YOUR ANYMORE GA"

well it lie when i told you guys it work.

It dont but atleast i have tried tho.

Starting on next year i swear

i would renew my life to be better.

Just focus on my studying and ignore those nonsense things.

That all for today.

will do more entry soon.

BYE !

" I LET IT ALL PASSED WITH A MEMORY "

Father's day

Hi guys!

This is my dad.

My purpose to wrote tis in my blogger is,

to appricate my dad.

Ok. 

So first at all, i want to wish to all father's in this world

' HAPPY FATHER-S DAY '

Dad,

Im your only daughter here was ok.

How about u up there dad?

I really sure, you are more healthier there dad.

Who're u doin' now daddy?

Did u already eat?

Take bath?

I miss you.

I miss to ask all those question to you.

I miss you nark and scolde me.

I miss you teach me.

I miss your joke.

I miss u dad.

You been leave me since

March 13 2013

and it already been

1years 3months 1day.

See?

How long it ago.

but.

You still fresh on my mind daddy.

I proud to had a hardworking dad like you.

Im proud to be your only daughter.

Im proud of you dad.

You're my idol.

Why im saying like this?

Because.

You are person who never give up until you get what you want.

You do the things very well.

You do it and never stop it.

You so superduper hardworking dad.

I know im not a good enoungh to be your daughter.

But.

You accept me to be it.

Im feeling so luck to be your only princes daddy.

Dad,

I just want to say.

' HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ' 

I love you to the moon and back. 

I miss you dad.

My Pratical Teacher's 😘

Hi guys !

Today i want to cers u guys bout 

my pratical teacher's !

I want to let you guys know them.

Infront tu is me, Emma is using light blue singlet

Chong is at Emma's back, at my left is Teacher Esse

at Teacher Esse's back is Teacher Gloria

At right Teacher Gloria is Sir Jabrey,

 the guy using glasses is Sir Jeeson

and the girl infront Sir Jeeson is Angelika.

This photo was taken yesterday

 at Zero beach Tanjung Aru.

For the first time

i get a sporting, kind, not arrogant teacher's.

They are preety & handsome.

Omg !

*kembang la hidung drg ni*

hahaha.

Im feeling so luck get them as my teacher.

They didnt like other pratical teacher's who been teach me.

They're superduper sporting !

Damnnn.

Sometime they are annoying to ba.

Us with Sir Jeeson & Sir Jabrey 

Us with Sir Jabrey

Us with Sir Jeeson

and this is us with all of them, Sir Jabrey with drg Dezeree time we take tis photo together.

Tbh,

they love to take selfie ah. 

Mygad !

Our next trip is going to 

Pulau Sapi or Pulau Manukan.

On our next holiday !

4 of our fav pratical teacher's

only Sir Jabrey yang kami kasi nama.

' Si Jelingan Maut ' 

Hahahaha !

Cause he like to do his 

' Jelingan Maut ' 

Hahaha. 

I'll never to forget them. 

Thank for everything teacher's !

Smk Limbanak will never forget you guys .

Missing My Hero Life

Hi people.

I been long time not update my blog.

Sorry for i .

I been had a busier day now.

Ok.

Today, i gonna cers u guys abt a deep story abt me.

Again. Hi :)

I miss my daddy so much.

Hard to describe how i miss him.

I really want to met him :(

I.

Still remember he said.

He said to me before he passed away.

He want to celebrate my sweetsixteen.

But.

He already gone leave me.

Surely i said.

My life now and forever

Will be

Uncomplete .

I really miss him.

It been 1years 1 month 23days.

He leave me.

Dad.

I miss all about u.

After u gone for forever

My life, change totally.

I miss u, dad.

I really miss to talking and chillin' w u.

I miss u more then a word i says.

Hard to forget and let it go.

It my worst time ever.

Tbh

I still cant accept it actually.

All people 

Said and asked me to let u go.

But

I really cant daddy.

I cant.

The pain will be live in my heart forever.

Hard to moveon with all tis.

No one know how i feel.

No one.

I 

Just keep tis pain by myself.

Dad.

Im not ready to do this all my own 

Without u

Daddy.

It killing me.

I mean tis pain.

Your princeses miss u

Daddy.

She miss u a lot.

She never forget u.

She always remember u everyways.

Oh God !

Im sure my hero are with u now.

Take care of him Jesus.

My hero are a strong man.

He my first love.

He my first hero.

He my superpower.

He my everything.

Here im.

God. 

Help me to tell him,

That his princeses miss him with all her heart.

Dad.

Your daughter love you for forever.