D A D

Hello stalker.

I want to share something to you guys.

Oh Lord !

My daddy, my daddy!

He was gone, gone far away.

I feel so lost. I really cant accept it.

I really close to my dad, we had a strong bonding.

I dont have anyone, to play with anymore.

No one to teach me taekwondo anymore.

I would never heard dad ask me to help him to burn a CD for his plkn trainess.

He would never called me anymore and act like to scold me but actually ask for help to buy cigarette.

I cant bermanja with him anymore.

I would never heard him to advice or scold me.

Oh Jesus !

I cant even face this.

I lost my dad at the young age.

I cant accept this!

I love my dad, i dont want he leave me.

Dady.

14 years 2 month and 5 days i live with u.

We face a resistance together with our small family.

We always together, no matter what.

But now?

You leave us dad.

I felt like my future turn into so unclear, it was so dark dad.

Oh Jesus !

I cant face my reality life.

This is my first time facing this situation.

I cannot see u in there dad, in your coffin.

When i looked at your picture, i still remember when you still alive.

My tears cant stop flow out dad.

Jesus !

Why did you took my dad, Jesus? 

He not even see my achievements.

Dad ever said, that he want me to be a teacher but i told him i wanna be a doctor.

Now on i tried to be what u want me to be dad.

There are too many question inside my mind right now.

where is my dad now?

what is he doing?

did he eat yet?

who he with is right now?

did dady meet uncle zack?

Oh Jesus !

I cannot God, i really cant.

I write this entry infront of my dad coffin.

I didnt lie.

God only know what i feel.

I was wearing your jacket dad, this jacket that you wear when you was founded.

We dont even know what time did you died dad.

but all i know you wearing this jacket that time.

It because your workmate found you in your rest room

you still wearing your Jurulatih attire.

With this jacket.

This tragedy be on yesterday.

Yesterday Mom and dad workmate fetch me and my lil brother at school.

when i just enter the van, one of my dad friend told me that my dad had gone.

I dont believe it.

I shout and said that not my dad, they get a wrong person.

Dad workmate bring us to camp, to see dad.

But all i need is my cousin, Syafinah.

They called my cousin and she came and hug me.

I hug syafinah tightly.

She was the only cousin that really close to me.

She actually my aunty, she was my dad niece.

Unfortunately,

she cant follow us.

Arriving at dad work place, i dont care about anything.

I opened the van door and i run to my dad rest room.

i saw dad laying at his bed.

I directly took my dad hand and hug it.

it just so unbelievable that is my dad.

i cannot accept the reality of mine, that my dad has gone.

Then the police brought my dad go to hospital.

Dad need to do a postmortem.

We arrive at forensic unit.

Dady was sugary.

I go looked at my dad after his sugary was done.

Jesus Christ !

I cannot accept lord!

I keep crying.

My dad mouth full of his blood

I never seen him like that condition.

I cant see him in that way.

I keep crying.

After that,

my mum ask me to go manage my dad death certificate.

Mom going home to pack our things that we used bring it to kk.

I dont believe this could happened to my family.

After i finished managing the death certificate

we directly go back to kk.

It took 7 hour to arrive at kk.

Inside the van i keep crying, i just stop crying when i was sleep.

everytime i woke up, what i jus do is cry cry and cry.

When we arriving at our house in kk.

My aunty go near me and ask me to be patient.

I cannot accept the reality baaaaaaaa !

Every time i seat infront of my dad coffin i cry.

I would said

" DADY SY BA, DADY SY "

My mum lack of crying.

All i know that i crying 24 hour non-stop.

I miss my dad.

Anything happen i always find my dad, he always the first one.
NOW?

Dady was gone.

Everyone gimme a advice but i couldnt even noted them.

I cant accept, what had happened to me.

I really feel lost.

Dady always give me a spirit.

Now i couldnt meet him anymore.

There nothing again.

I MISS YOU DAD...